One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
