After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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