After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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