i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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