when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
