Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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