I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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