sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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