dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
