i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
