How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
