If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
