At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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