I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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