i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone signed my nipple.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
