the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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