What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
