Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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