dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
