I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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