he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
