My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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