I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
