you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I could fuck to npr.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
