So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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