K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
