well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
