Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
