Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
