Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
