Soap is not a condiment
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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