this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
