; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
