On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
