Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
