he told me I talked like a deaf person
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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