I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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