Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
