Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
