if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
