Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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