Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
