It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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