Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
