.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
