I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
