Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
