Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize