uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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