im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
