Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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