So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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