woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
