He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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