It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
