And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
