Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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