Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
