sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
