Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
