Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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