I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
