how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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