apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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