I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
