i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
