i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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