Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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