Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize