i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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