I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
should my penis look like a turkey
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
