kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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