I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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