Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
