Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
