YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
