I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize