Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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