Sponge bath it is.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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