I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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