My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
