what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
