where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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