You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
