The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
