Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
