A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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