You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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